𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐔𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 ▣ npcs

[saltburnmods]

THE BALFOURS

A simple family: mother, father, two children, and the keeper of their 13th century castle. Meet the people who have so graciously have given you the run of their house. Careful how you go — you wouldn't want to make an enemy of your hosts, would you? Take advantage of this cheat sheet on how to get on each of their good sides, and feel free to use the comments below as an NPC voicemail system.

PORTIA BALFOUR

LIKES		DISLIKES
✓ beautiful things ✓ interesting people ✓ cold chardonnay ✓ birkin bags ✓ gossip ✓ lounging in the sun		✗ being bored ✗ buying off the rack ✗ thanklessness ✗ juicy couture ✗ bragging ✗ americans

JONTY BALFOUR

LIKES		DISLIKES
✓ small talk ✓ old civilizations ✓ balancing checkbooks ✓ cigars ✓ coin collections ✓ hunting		✗ desperation ✗ being told "no" ✗ tiny dogs ✗ brown suits ✗ messy foods ✗ vodka

BUNNY BALFOUR

LIKES		DISLIKES
✓ guitars ✓ weed ✓ video games ✓ jägerbombs ✓ comfy shoes ✓ women, sometimes		✗ reminders of privilege ✗ suits ✗ haircuts ✗ cold weather ✗ condoms ✗ women, sometimes

ROSIE BALFOUR

LIKES		DISLIKES
✓ nail polish ✓ short dresses ✓ horses ✓ eyeliner ✓ seduction ✓ piercings		✗ coffee ✗ bras ✗ chanel ✗ politics ✗ skincare ✗ rehab

GILES THE HOUSEKEEPR

LIKES		DISLIKES
✓ tidiness ✓ architectural history ✓ opening windows ✓ doing the laundry ✓ setting the table ✓ cleaning		✗ disorder ✗ loud noises ✗ misconduct ✗ shamelessness ✗ vulgarity ✗ pop music

CODING

Comments

@SET, a letter sent to jonty balfour <3

[redsoil]

Ȧnudj ḥar.ek, Mister Balfour.

I am sure you know all that transpires within your domain, but for formalities sake: I am Set, Egypt's god of war and one of the guests within your home. Thank you for providing such a stunning setting for us to enjoy. One day, I hope you will deign to educate me on the history of your home and your family lineage.

In truth, I write to pay owed dues to one of my hosts.

I have asked the staff to deliver to you a gift. It is the Narmer Palette, one of the most significant archaeological finds pertaining to my lands. I devoted myself to obtaining this for you, and hope it will find itself well-displayed in your ancestral hall. Though I was not a victor by any means during the exciting game of Werewolf, the Narmer Palette was acquired on my behalf through the Library as part of the spoils the winning team was granted.

Hopefully, it remains in your appreciating hands. Let it serve as proof to you, that should I set my mind to it, there is no hunt I will not return from with my quarry. I am a resourceful ally, or rival, should either please you!

May my presence among your guests be a blessing in your eyes, and for your enjoyment.

Sincerely,
Set, God of the Desert and War

Voice | un: diarmuid | @ portia

[thenovice]

I wanted to extend an apology for upsetting you, during that horrible game. I truly know not how things came to be such a way, nor if you are truly in control of such things, either -- but I did lose my temper in the heat of emotion.

voicemail; un: persephone; @bunny

[semicharmed]

Bunny?

[ It's Matt Jamison's voice, but with an unusual affectation. The accent is a lot more British, for one thing. And there's a tone that none of the Balfours have heard from him before, something like ... longing? ]

It's, um. It's me, it's Paris.

I've had a terrible time looking for you. I've been meaning to--that is, I wanted to tell you something important. [ A deep breath in. A falling sigh. ] I, just ...

[ There's a long pause, during which Matt--Paris--someone--can be heard breathing, trying to get themselves under control. One gets the sense that an entire T.S. Eliot poem may be flashing before the caller's eyes.

Then they gasp, as if they've been startled by some noise or apparition. Tensely: ]

Never mind.

[ The line goes dead. ]