A simple family: mother, father, two children, and the keeper of their 13th century castle. Meet the people who have so graciously have given you the run of their house. Careful how you go β you wouldn't want to make an enemy of your hosts, would you? Take advantage of this cheat sheet on how to get on each of their good sides, and feel free to use the comments below as an NPC voicemail system.
PORTIA BALFOUR
LIKES
DISLIKES
β beautiful things β interesting people β cold chardonnay β birkin bags β gossip β lounging in the sun
β being bored β buying off the rack β thanklessness β juicy couture β bragging β americans
JONTY BALFOUR
LIKES
DISLIKES
β small talk β old civilizations β balancing checkbooks β cigars β coin collections β hunting
β desperation β being told "no" β tiny dogs β brown suits β messy foods β vodka
BUNNY BALFOUR
LIKES
DISLIKES
β guitars β weed β video games β jΓ€gerbombs β comfy shoes β women, sometimes
β reminders of privilege β suits β haircuts β cold weather β condoms β women, sometimes
ROSIE BALFOUR
LIKES
DISLIKES
β nail polish β short dresses β horses β eyeliner β seduction β piercings
[ It's Matt Jamison's voice, but with an unusual affectation. The accent is a lot more British, for one thing. And there's a tone that none of the Balfours have heard from him before, something like ... longing? ]
It's, um. It's me, it's Paris.
I've had a terrible time looking for you. I've been meaning to--that is, I wanted to tell you something important. [ A deep breath in. A falling sigh. ] I, just ...
[ There's a long pause, during which Matt--Paris--someone--can be heard breathing, trying to get themselves under control. One gets the sense that an entire T.S. Eliot poem may be flashing before the caller's eyes.
Then they gasp, as if they've been startled by some noise or apparition. Tensely: ]
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saltburnmods) wrote2024-04-07 12:18 pm
voicemail; un: persephone; @bunny
[ It's Matt Jamison's voice, but with an unusual affectation. The accent is a lot more British, for one thing. And there's a tone that none of the Balfours have heard from him before, something like ... longing? ]
It's, um. It's me, it's Paris.
I've had a terrible time looking for you. I've been meaning to--that is, I wanted to tell you something important. [ A deep breath in. A falling sigh. ] I, just ...
[ There's a long pause, during which Matt--Paris--someone--can be heard breathing, trying to get themselves under control. One gets the sense that an entire T.S. Eliot poem may be flashing before the caller's eyes.
Then they gasp, as if they've been startled by some noise or apparition. Tensely: ]
Never mind.
[ The line goes dead. ]